My Fathers In The Hospital

The past couple of days have been so crazy and stressful. First of all, on friday my father was going to the hospital for some tests. They were only able to get one test done. When they went to put him under to do the other tests, his heart rate dropped and they stopped the tests and rescheduled. We were not even home five minutes before they called to tell us they were going to be  admitting him into the hospital. They told us that the reason my father has not been able to eat with out pain is because he has a lesion on his esophagus. I don't remember ever seeing my father sick. It is hard to see him wasting away. He lost 40lbs. in one month. I have been trying to keep everything together but I just really want to pull out my blade and start cutting again. He is in the hospital right now and i am taking a small break from doing all the things my father would be doing if he were here. It helps telling someone even if i don't know if anyone is going to read this. Just keep my father in your thoughts and prayers. Love you and I will talk to you again soon.