Fears Are Scary

Hey guys! I am just gonna start typing and see where it goes. I have no topic in mind. Well, I am now one week away from moving into a new home. This is bringing my biggest fear to light and here it goes, I am afraid of the unknown. I think it goes along with the fact that I hate to have no control. On top of that, I started to revert back into my hypocritical self. I tell people that they should enjoy life and make friends, etc... and here I am reverting back into the old me who pushes people away and says things to my friends to make them hate me. It sometimes feels like I am possessed. I realize that what I am doing is wrong but I keep doing it anyway. I just realized I have way to many fears. Fear of small spaces, heights, bugs, people in masks/costumes, the unknown, and having no control. I have one more fear that I will mention right now and that is that people will find out that there is something wrong with me. It is hard to explain but I will try. Sometimes when I am walking and someone looks at me, I panic thinking that they are about to tell everyone that there is something wrong with me or that I am not supposed to be here on earth, like god made a mistake. I know that sounds crazy but I can't help the way I feel. It feels like everyone is this new and improved model of what a normal person is supposed to be and I am the old messed up one. I keep thinking I am gonna be found out. At least then I would know why I don't feel normal. Ok, now that I have told you guys how crazy I am, I am going to bed. Good night.